Spring?

Ok ...

In all honesty, I did a blog entries clearing out today. That's the problem with me and writing. At times, what seem like a good piece that I've written might seem like a bad one after a while or in this case, months.

Or in some cases, it is too private for me to let out. Shhhh ... some secrets are secrets after all.

Shoot me and get it done with.

Reality check. This is life. If you had seen any Bollywood movies, you would think that life is so perfect. Just like a fairytale. Well it's not. Wake up and smell the coffee my friend. Bollywood is just a fantasy. Shit is reality.

Too much books, movies and all the other alternatives that carry the theme 'Love' are bad for our lives. Why I said so? Because seeing movies like let's say, 'Maid in Manhattan’ (which is a ..... movie by the way) makes you feel there's some hope left in the world. Maybe my prince charming will come to rescue me from the tragedy of life.

But normally your prince charming is either old, married, has no ambitions in life, treats you bad or in some case, a pervert. So what happens then to the glimpse of hope you clung to so tightly. Turns out, all this is just a hoax.How about romantic tragedies then? All the heroes in 'Titanic',' Romeo and Juliet' are considered the dream man that all girls want. The one who sacrificed themselves for the ladies. But in reality is all this real?

Maybe that's what is keeping all the women from getting married. They are all looking for someone who does not exist. Don't take this the wrong way. It's not that I'm criticizing the female clan or anything. Hey! I'm also a female. It's just that we set our hopes too high. If we are not materialistic, we are idealistic. We want our man to be someone they are not.

Hey bro, don't start grinning. You are not any better yourself! Guys, what do we say about them? I read this somewhere; they say in the stone aged, the guys don't court girls. What they do is that if they like this particular girl, they will hit the girl with this thing that they carry until the girl faints. Then they will bring the girl somewhere and do anything they want to them. That's considered rape!!So you see guys, you are a sex-crazed animal since…forever.

What do you look for in a woman? Normally when I ask my guy friends this they will say," All I look for in a gal is that she is beautiful inside. It does not matter if she is ugly outside or anything like that." Yeah right! Twenty minutes later, I saw them whistling to this girl with big boobs who barely covers her main assets.What does that say?

Schmuck.

(By the way, ever wondered, if heros in romantic movies die, do the heroins end up with shitty husbands in the end?)

How The Killer Kills The Killee: The Short Version.

You know how people write their own self help books? Well I decided to write one too. Only mine is the unconventional type.

Welcome to the one and only 5-steps of
“How The Killer Kills The Killee: The Short Version."


~*~*~*~*~*~

Step 1: Detect the killee. You as the killer must know who your killee is. Once you are sure, move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Be the killee friend. Don’t ever let the killee know your intention. This is so that you will not be a suspect. Be a friend but not the closest one.

Step 3: Stalk the killee. Knows thy habits and qualities will only prepare you more. Is your killee the routine-by-routine person or the impulsive ones? All this are important details.

Step 4: Plan the killing. Choose a suitable medium and a reason as to why the killee is dead. Suicide? Accidental death? Guns? Poison? Planning might take some time. Make sure plan is flawless.

Step 5: Get an alibi. This is very important so as to divert the suspicious qualities away from you. And prepare the necessary equipments. You don’t want to get blood in your hands right? Gloves, aprons…

~*~*~*~*~*~

Once all the 5 steps have been followed. You are set to kill your first chicken. Enjoy.

kicking yrself won't solve the problem.

I had an unfortunate moment yesterday.
Its my first breaking down in front of a lecturer.
It's amazing how the tears kept coming like a bullet train.
Damn.

On a lighter note, at least I get the whole week off next week =D

But never again. Never again.

This is the second time I had a break down. First was with my girlfriends. Still remember it vividly. All of us sitting in a circle, talking about our jaded hearts and unstable emotions at that time. That was a valuable vulnerable moment. It could be said we had a mass breaking down!

But like I say ... never again.

7 more weeks to freedom baby.

Autumn love

Weeks ago, while waiting at the bus stop, (I was standing in a classic combi of brown and black in my usual stagnant look) it started to rain leaves. Not those typical leave rain but one resembling autumn.

It was like in the movies ... suddenly there was a light breeze of wind, with orange (not brown) leaves dropping and swaying slowly to the ground and I swore, I heard a particular music in my head ... something epic and full of love.

Pure magic.

PETA is not a map?

How long has it been since I wrote anything that does not resemble an essay or a crap piece that is masquerading as an essay? Ages. Ages that sometimes it feels like its been caveman years sice my last piece. Writing with blood and a stick in my animal skin clothing.

I tell you, PETA won't be happy living in those caveman years. Not that I will be of course. Though living during that time, gives me a reason for my mess of a hair.

Wht am i talking about PETA?

My parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary recently. Yes, a happilicious celebration indeed. Lots of food, lots of dessert and lots of happiness radiating. Yes, from me too. Should see me with chocolate fondue. Its like an orgasm in itself.

whcih of course set me thinking when i see those 2 lovebirds. Will i ever be as happy as that or even happier? Go jogging together? dating together even when its been 25 years. Will i love him more than ever?

For now I only know one thing. I'm happy with what I got.

Pandora's Scar

Have you ever froze?

Freeze; as in you are the only one not moving, as the rest of the world passes by you in a blur. I have. In fact, all the time that I’ve ever frozen is when I meet this guy, W, whom I had a crush on since I was 12.

Which is weird because W is not divine looking or anything. He does not have the body or the looks like Brad Pitt. He is just some regular guy who you sometimes noticed and sometimes not. So why do I freeze badly whenever I see him? By badly, I mean, seriously dehydrated and not moving even an inch. I’ve never frozen before in front all my other crushes. But with him, it’s different. Is it because he made me realized that I was not a lesbian? Or is it because I used to hate him so much that finally the hatred turned to something more deadly…love? I am confused.

If you like someone, he will always be in your mind right? You will have a mental picture of him in your mind. So that when you miss him, you will just close your eyes and he will appear right in front of you. It’s the same with me. I’ve kept a mental picture of him in my mind for about 5 years now. Slowly without me realizing it, part of his face had begun to disappear. Finally, about two months ago, he completely disappears. Whenever I close my eyes, he does not appear in front of me anymore. Part of me is saddened by this but mostly I’m elated. No longer do I have to see his face in my mind and be reminded of him. But all this change on the dreaded Friday the 14th.

It was a typical Friday afternoon. I had just finished watching, "Maid In Manhattan", which may I add does not leave that much impact compared to "Notting Hill & Company". Anyway, after that, instead of taking the bus, I’ve decided to walk home. A quarter into the journey, I suddenly had this urge to take the bus. I don’t know why but I just do. So I took the long route bus as I wish to admire the scenery…actually I just want to waste my time! As the bus stop at the place where W usually board, I had this weird thought. "Maybe I will see W today…” So much for the show of irony.

As if it was predestined, suddenly there was this guy running towards the bus. He stopped just in front the bus to lead a pregnant lady pass through first with a smile. And I thought to myself that the world could use a bit of a smile someday. Only when the boy turned his head and I had a close up look did I notice it was W.

I froze.

As he boards the bus, I just wanted to call out to him, to let him know, " I am here. Look at me. Tell me you remember me." But I could not. As he walked pass my seat, I could catch a whiff of his cologne. Tears began to well up in my eyes.

Finally, I could stand it no longer. I decided to alight one stop earlier than usual. So I pressed the bell. Unfortunately, the door refuses to open. So I pressed the bell again and again like a mad person. By now, all eyes were on me. All eyes except his. He was looking everywhere, elsewhere except at me. I swore I felt as if my heart had shattered to a million broken pieces. That’s when it struck me. Maybe its not that he did not recognize me, maybe he just doesn’t want to. As I alight from the bus step by step, the song " I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mclachlan began to play in my head.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for memories…

But all hopes were not lost. As the bus began to drive off, I said to myself, " maybe he will turn his head back and look at me.

“1, 2…5 seconds passed and the bus is now completely out of my sight. I finally got my long awaited answer.

It’s over. I ain’t worth his time.

As I walked home, a slight drizzle had began to start. That moment, all sorts of emotions surged through me like knives. Teardrops that had been long overdue began to drop rapidly. I was uncontrollable. But I told myself to be strong. I told myself that there are others who suffered more. But no matter what I told myself I know that deep down this is going to leave a deep scar.

A scar that I will keep in my Pandora’s Box. Never to be relive ever again with all the drudgery of life. Just like the bad fashion sense of the 60s.


Fin.